[Comedian walks on stage, slow, measured pace, occasional sips of water, deadpan expression]
So I went to this Mughal exhibition at the V&A...
(pause, looks around disapprovingly)
What did the Mughals ever do for India? What did Britain ever do for India?
(elongated pause, points to someone in the front row)
You sir, with the eager expression and the tote bag that says "Well Read" on it—what do you think the Mughals did for India?
(waits briefly)
"They built the Taj Mahal." Yes, well done. That's like saying Shakespeare's main contribution to literature was "To be or not to be." While Shakespeare was writing plays like "Romeo and Juliet" and "A Midsummer Night's Dream," Akbar was pioneering religious tolerance policies and administrative reforms in India. Coo er you say, cultural golden ages in both places.
(paces slightly)
What did the Mughals ever do for India? Well, they ... they, for a start, established a sophisticated administrative system that governed a diverse subcontinent for centuries before the British arrived. The Brits subsequently helpfully replaced this with a system that was primarily designed to extract resources more efficiently.
(looks at audience with mild contempt, points to someone else)
You're nodding. Why are you nodding? Do you work for the British Museum? Are you mentally cataloging other people's cultural artifacts right now?
(adjusts microphone stand unnecessarily)
Of course, it's all rather complicated now, isn't it? Now, we have a situation where Hindu nationalists in India are trying to erase Mughal contributions from history books. Renaming Mughal-era cities, downplaying Islamic influence in textbooks...
(mirthless chuckle, notices someone looking uncomfortable)
I know, I know. Am I, a white Londoner, really qualified to comment on this? That's a fair question. Is it my place to critique India's approach to its own history?
(deliberate sigh)
Probably not. But then again, is it my place to comment on artifacts removed from India that sit in our museums? Is it my place to admire Mughal miniatures while sipping Earl Grey in the V&A café? Where does that tea come from!! Is it my place to have any opinion at all on India, given our... complicated relationship with the subcontinent?
(glares at front row)
You look confused. You were expecting jokes about curry and now you're getting a treatise on post-colonial identity politics. I understand. It's like going to the V&A expecting to see Indian history and instead finding a gift shop selling Taj Mahal snow globes.
(takes unnecessarily long sip of water)
What did the Mughals ever do for India? Only created architectural masterpieces that Hindu nationalists now claim were actually Hindu temples. It's a curious thing, isn't it? We British spent centuries insisting we were improving India, and now there's a movement in India insisting the Mughals never improved anything either.
(pause, notices someone getting up)
No, don't go. What’s your name, Stewart Lee??
(stares into middle distance)
What did the Mughals ever do for India? And who gets to write that history? The descendants of colonizers in London museums? The Hindu nationalist government? The descendants of Mughal nobility? The average Indian citizen who just wants to get on with their day without being dragged into historical culture wars?
(long, uncomfortable pause, surveys audience)
Look at your faces. Confused. Concerned. Wondering if this is still comedy. Wondering if it's acceptable to laugh at any of this. Welcome to the complex legacy of empire. If you're feeling uncomfortable, imagine how the artifacts feel.
(barely audible) What did the Mughals ever do for India?
(shaking his head, he leaves the stage)